How do friendships affect your mental health?

There’s an African proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” It’s a sweet and simple sentiment, one that speaks to the value of social companionship, family, and friendship.

The ideal of all important social relationships is that they help to balance our lives and bring happiness, lightness, fun, and joy. However, what happens when friendships start to take from you, draining you, leaving you exhausted and resentful?

Let’s delve into how friendships affect our mental health, and when it may be time to take a step back.

Seasonal changes

First, it’s important to understand that as the seasons change, many friendships go through their own particular evolutions. Everyone experiences challenging personal circumstances at times, such as work pressures or financial issues, and these can all affect friendships. This is normal.

What matters more is recognising when a relationship is helping you grow and when it’s holding you back.

Is a friendship draining you?

The common theme here: you feel literally and figuratively exhausted. Watch out for these typical signs:

• If you’re always the listener and the fixer, you’re in a one-sided friendship. Your needs never matter, it’s always the other person who dominates the friendship with their feelings, moods, and emotions.
• Do you constantly feel criticised, belittled, and judged? These are signs of an unhealthy, overly critical friendship. Yes, friends should be open and honest with each other, however, that doesn’t mean someone has the right to treat you poorly.
• Speaking of being treated poorly – if your friendship is filled with drama and emotional stress, it’s time to assess if it’s worth your attention and energy. Friendships are meant to energise and elevate you.
• Friendships that drain your mental health often come with crossed boundaries. If a friend keeps ignoring your limits or forces you into choices that don’t feel right, it’s a red flag.

On the upside: empowering friendships

Empowering friendships do the opposite of draining ones. These are the friendships that are supportive, caring, nurturing, fun, and enjoyable. These friendships bolster your mental health and help you bounce back more quickly from life’s challenges. Within the friendship, there’s tangible care, empathy, support, and kindness. You’re able to be honest with each other without being hurtful, and you find yourself truly savouring the good times.

These are the friendships that inspire growth, celebrate your wins, and guide you toward better choices. Most importantly, they respect your boundaries and accept a “no” without drama or guilt.

These friends act like emotional first aiders. They notice when you’re slipping and step in to help you remain steady. Sometimes that means listening without judgement, other times it’s distracting you with humour or shared activities, and when needed, it’s encouraging you to reach for professional support. With them, you don’t feel alone in your struggles. Instead, you feel supported, understood, and strengthened.

Getting to a good place with friends

While you may instantly recognise the signs of a friendship that’s negatively impacting your mental health, it’s not as easy to just discard the friend and move on. Take your time to figure out a way forward. Can the friendship be salvaged? Is it worth a candid conversation about your concerns? How would you feel if you cut ties?

Assess what’s important to you in a friendship: mutual respect, kindness, boundaries. Whatever those values are, make it clear to your friends. Remember – boundaries protect your energy and show others how to treat you.

When is it time to move on? Sometimes you must make those difficult decisions for the sake of your health. If a friendship is truly affecting your mental health, you owe it to yourself to have that tough conversation. Is this a friendship worth keeping if all it does is harm your wellbeing?

In our ever-expanding digital life, it’s easy to take friendships for granted or even think that we don’t really need friends. But, at its core, a meaningful and authentic friendship can be an extra layer of security and protection as we wander through life.

Disclaimer

This article is for informational purposes only. Always check with your doctor or medical practitioner about any health concerns, before embarking on any fitness or nutrition programme, or using any medication.