Mental health and the idea of being “strong”

“You’re so strong, you can get through this.”

“Just be strong!”

If you’ve ever been struggling and on the receiving end of well-meaning phrases that talk about “being strong”, you’ll know that it can be frustrating.

Strength means different things to different people. Does being strong mean covering up your feelings and acting as if nothing bothers you? Or, is it about venting, lashing out at others, shouting your feelings for the world to hear?

Let’s dive into this idea of being strong and uncover healthy and sustainable ways to cope during tough times.

Small steps, big strength

When we think about being strong, we often link the idea to persevering through difficult days, being resilient, bouncing back from trauma. And that’s a good way to think about it, but it’s not the only version of being mentally strong.

When it comes to mental health, it can start to feel a little dismissive and condescending when people advise you to, “Just be strong.”

Emotions are both simple and complex. Sometimes, it’s easy to pinpoint why you’re unhappy or anxious. Other times, it’s daunting just facing a normal workday and you have no idea why. At those moments, it’s not so easy to “just be strong.”

Being strong can sometimes do more harm than good. This is especially significant when it becomes synonymous with ignoring your emotions or pushing through the pain without addressing underlying issues.

When being strong can harm you:

• When we feel under pressure to constantly be strong, this could lead to bottling up emotions, intensifying feelings of stress, anxiety and even depression. Ignoring feelings doesn’t make them disappear; they often become stronger over time.
• The pressure to appear strong can stop you from asking for help. You feel isolated and under strain to face challenges alone.
• No one can keep going, facing frustration, challenges and difficulties each day without it taking a toll on their health. Forcing yourself to be strong all the time can quickly lead to burnout, triggering illnesses and even chronic conditions.
• The mantra of “just be strong” can perpetuate toxic positivity. Life is about the good, bad and everything in between, so pressuring yourself to exist in an environment of good vibes only means you’re not dealing with the reality of life.
• When being strong is idealised, it can create shame around vulnerability. You may feel guilty or inadequate for not being able to "hold it all together," leading to a harmful cycle of self-blame.

It’s important to recognise when being strong is harming you. Focus on finding realistic and practical ways to cope, while still being open to the experiences around you.

To be truly strong, acknowledge your vulnerabilities, ask for help and allow yourself to feel what you’re going through. True strength is about self-compassion and giving yourself space to heal without the pressure to maintain a facade of toughness.

Let’s redefine “being strong”:

• Feelings will come and go. It’s okay to acknowledge them, accept them, and let them go. It’s even okay to cry, to vent, to say, “I’m not okay.” The first step is accepting your feelings.
• Look at your friend circle, within your family or even your colleagues. Is there someone you can find comfort in, find support from? There’s always help available, even if that means reaching out to a professional.
• Being strong also means letting yourself just be sometimes. That could mean spending a day just catching up on some rest, saying no to social events if you’re drained, or treating yourself. Just because.
• You don't have to handle everything perfectly. Give yourself grace for the times when you struggle.

Remember

Strength isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept, and it’s important to embrace the version of it that feels true to you.

Disclaimer

This article is for informational purposes only. Always check with your doctor or medical practitioner about any health concerns, before embarking on any fitness or nutrition programme, or using any medication.