Let’s understand toxic positivity
You know those people; you might even be one of them at times.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Hmm, work stress, financial issues…”
“Well, just think positive!”
On the face of it, there’s nothing “wrong” with thinking happy thoughts and aspiring to be a more positive person. Pretty much everyone on Earth would agree – we all want to be happier and healthier people, mentally and physically.
The problem with toxic positivity is that it forces an unnatural response to natural circumstances in life and can actually end up doing more harm than good.
What does toxic positivity mean?
To be positive means to have a generally upbeat and optimistic outlook on life. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, is the incessant pressure to be happy and cheerful even in the worst of circumstances. Divorce, death, losing your job, wars, accidents, tragedies – the circumstances don’t matter. When it comes to toxic positivity, the sentiment is to just push through and be positive despite the current adversity.
So, what’s wrong with that?
Now, we know that not all positivity is toxic. Yes, it is a good idea to not spiral into despair every time we run into a challenge or go through a tough time. However, toxic positivity is unrealistic. It glosses over real pain, trauma and difficulties which can result in the same problems or emotions cropping up later in life.
It’s a school of thought that essentially promotes an idealistically optimistic response to difficulties, ignoring the real feelings attached to the problem.
Some examples of toxic positivity:
Maybe you’re going through a break-up and you’re not bouncing back fast enough for your friends and family. Only you know your true emotions and process, so it can be difficult to hear sentiments like, “Just get over it” or “It’s been a month, time to move on.” We’re not saying you should wallow in break-up mode forever but remember: your timeline is personal and your emotional capacity is yours alone. Take productive steps to start healing but don’t feel guilty for not feeling better overnight.
Many people struggle with chronic mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. If this is your struggle, you may be taking all the steps to deal with it but could still be on the receiving end of unhelpful platitudes. “What do you have to be depressed about? Everything is fine!” is a common phrase that many misguided people use as their way to urge a friend out of depression. You don’t have to react to this form of encouragement, or you could use it as an opportunity to educate the person on the nuances of your issue.
In the same vein, often when a tragedy occurs, people are lost for a way to understand the bigger picture and we are probably all guilty of saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” There’s nothing inherently harmful about this concept; it’s a coping mechanism. Still, it’s important to process and rationalise your own feelings and emotions about whatever has happened, rather than masking the difficulty or trauma.
Good to know
Take positive steps to become a more positive and optimistic person. This doesn’t mean denying current difficulties, but rather trusting that things will work out in your favour.
Remember, we all go through good and bad seasons, nothing in life operates on a linear path. Good days are great, appreciate them. Bad days are normal and happen too, accept this balance of life and be gentle with your journey.
Remember: it's okay to feel sad, angry, hurt, disappointed or any other more difficult emotion. The key is to give yourself grace and compassion.
Disclaimer
This article is for informational purposes only. Always check with your doctor or medical practitioner about any health concerns, before embarking on any fitness or nutrition programme, or using any medication.